It was an Honor

Here is a little poem, to honor our second adoption opportunity. This was a whirlwind because the baby arrived three weeks early, the very day we traveled interstate to meet the potential birth parents for the first time...... to decide together if we were a match.

Today we arrived home after it became clear that an adoption plan was not "in the works"......

It was an Honor

It was an honor baby girl
To meet you your first hour
To have your bundled warmth
Pressed against my chest

It was an honor baby girl
To hold your little head
To know the boney pieces
Were not yet fully set

It was an honor baby girl
To give you your first feed
To watch you start to suck
Not knowing when to breathe

It was an honor baby girl
To rub against your tiny feet
To try and keep you sucking
Until the bottle was more spent

It was an honor baby girl
To have my arms complain
To move you to my knees
Bundled twice your tiny frame

It was an honor baby girl

It was an honor sweet Jayden Addison

It was an honor

Grief and Relief

With great sadness, we farewelled Mom (MIL) after she lost her courageous fight with cancer.

Thankfully, yesterday we were all able to say our goodbyes while she was still with us. I was able to tell her that I had a very special job for her to do, to find our Twinkle Toes.

Of course, we had wanted to find Twinkle Toes ourselves, and present her with her grand-baby. Life has a habit of humbling us mere mortals and reminding us that we don't always get to write the script.

We are now left with a strange cocktail of grief and relief. She is no longer suffering. She is finally at rest..... except, of course, for looking for Twinkle Toes.

And so it will be, that when Twinkle Toes arrives, we will know that she is close to us.

Time to Walk Away

This is a single post to summarise our first adoption opportunity which, unfortunately, did not have a successful outcome for us.

Viviana was from Colombia, married to an American, and living in Panama with their two-year-old daughter. The birth father was also from Colombia. Certainly an unusual situation for a domestic adoption. We spent 3 weeks with them and their family in AL, and we all got along really well. Unfortunately, the judge in AL refused our petition to reimburse all their expenses. This was a known deal-breaker with her husband from the start.

To make a long story short, we packed up and left AL with empty arms, and they traveled to UT where the rules are different. The baby was born 4 days after we left AL.

The most difficult part about all of this is our time-sensitive desire to present Mom (MIL) with a grand-baby. We went straight to MO to see her in the hospital. This visit was quite painful for all of us. Her "Positives" were still listed on the wall with #5 referring to the new baby joining the family soon. Of course, we all said that is was still true, but the timing different.

We still believe that private adoption is the right path for us. And, when I was going to bed for the last time in the hotel room, a ladybug was crawling on my pillow (we use the ladybug as a symbol for adoption). Like the one pictured, it's spots were not clear. I took this as a sign that our adoption journey was still very much a work-in-progress.

The Gift of Hope

I just received the most beautiful gift!

A HOPE braclet with Twinkle Toes on it, and a ladybird/ladybug (a symbol we use for adoption), and birthstones from my MILs birthday because I am hoping for her full recovery too.

Oh what happy tears I cried, and how I know I am loved. This precious gift represents all the love shown, all the care given, all the ((((HUGs)))) exchanged, and all the HOPE shared through my online communities.

All this beauty distilled and captured through the creativity and thoughtfulness of someone who I have very much come to call "Christy Dear".

More Aussie Cousins for Twinkle Toes

This is a great shot of David (left) and John (right) playing table tennis at Gran's house in NSW, Australia. They are the two sons of Lara's sister Nerida.

Nerida has retired from being a midwife and pediatric nurse to support husband Peter in their two businesses: Battery World, and Cart Mart.

Gran was a Table Tennis champion back in her day at Sydney University and each family member has had their hand on a bat from time to time.

This is NOT Twinkle Toes, but a very Cute Model

Life is full of joy and sadness. Part of being a family, is keeping the hope candle burning through the darkest hours.

Grandma has been very sick. She has spent months in the hospital since last December battling cancer and a miriad of opportunistic infections. To raise her spirits, Twinkle Toes sent this onsie to the hospital with a card asking Grandma to "Hang in there" because "I'm on my way to you................"

Dennis and Lara desperately searched the packing for the return address, but to no avail ; )

Getting Ready for Twinkle Toes

We have purchased the basics so if Twinkle Toes surprises us sometime soon we have what we need to be safe and comfortable.

Aunt Anita at an Orphanage in India

These are small photos for such a big adventure. Aunt Anita traveled to India and Pakistan on a ministry trip. While in India she visited an orphanage and wondered why there are so many children without parents, and so many couples wanting to be parents, and so much red tape separating the two.