Grief and Relief

With great sadness, we farewelled Mom (MIL) after she lost her courageous fight with cancer.

Thankfully, yesterday we were all able to say our goodbyes while she was still with us. I was able to tell her that I had a very special job for her to do, to find our Twinkle Toes.

Of course, we had wanted to find Twinkle Toes ourselves, and present her with her grand-baby. Life has a habit of humbling us mere mortals and reminding us that we don't always get to write the script.

We are now left with a strange cocktail of grief and relief. She is no longer suffering. She is finally at rest..... except, of course, for looking for Twinkle Toes.

And so it will be, that when Twinkle Toes arrives, we will know that she is close to us.

Time to Walk Away

This is a single post to summarise our first adoption opportunity which, unfortunately, did not have a successful outcome for us.

Viviana was from Colombia, married to an American, and living in Panama with their two-year-old daughter. The birth father was also from Colombia. Certainly an unusual situation for a domestic adoption. We spent 3 weeks with them and their family in AL, and we all got along really well. Unfortunately, the judge in AL refused our petition to reimburse all their expenses. This was a known deal-breaker with her husband from the start.

To make a long story short, we packed up and left AL with empty arms, and they traveled to UT where the rules are different. The baby was born 4 days after we left AL.

The most difficult part about all of this is our time-sensitive desire to present Mom (MIL) with a grand-baby. We went straight to MO to see her in the hospital. This visit was quite painful for all of us. Her "Positives" were still listed on the wall with #5 referring to the new baby joining the family soon. Of course, we all said that is was still true, but the timing different.

We still believe that private adoption is the right path for us. And, when I was going to bed for the last time in the hotel room, a ladybug was crawling on my pillow (we use the ladybug as a symbol for adoption). Like the one pictured, it's spots were not clear. I took this as a sign that our adoption journey was still very much a work-in-progress.